How To Take the Stress Out of Proposing: 3 Pro Tips to Ease the Pressure

From financial obligations and melding families to keeping the moment a secret and pressure from parents, there is plenty to worry about around proposing. Whether you’re concerned about how you’ll afford the ring or wondering what your future will look like together (or a little bit of both)—today, we’re sharing our top tips for addressing the worries, woes, and pressure surrounding popping that all-important question. Read on for three life-saving, stress-reducing tips.

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3 tips to ease the proposal-pressure

1. Work down your debt.

Our number-one tip for easing the pressure around your proposal? Start by working down your debt. More than one-quarter of men (27% to be exact) said their debt was an added stressor when it came to thinking about proposing. If there’s no major hurry to propose immediately, spend a few months (or even years) making you’re in solid financial standing when it comes time to purchase the ring. Set a monthly budget you can stick to and start chipping away at any debt that will feel like a cloud over what should be a celebratory moment. The better you feel about purchasing the ring, the less stressful the overall proposal will be. (Psst…want even more financial help? Check out our top tips for saving big on an engagement ring, diamond alternatives for engagement rings, and our favorite engagement rings under $5,000.)

2. Get rid of the pressure.

This one is easier said than done—but pressure from your partner definitely doesn’t help the proposal, so it’s important you take steps to ensure everyone is on the same page. Have a conversation with your partner if you feel a bit boxed in (and stressed out) by the pressure they’re putting on you to propose. You also want to set realistic expectations (40% of men said they are worried their partner expects too much when it comes to an engagement ring). This doesn’t have to mean showing your partner the exact ring you’re thinking of and ruining the surprise—or sharing a specific number with them and taking the romance out of the entire event. But it does mean you should have an open, honest conversation and talk through what’s realistic and what isn’t. You’ll be spending the rest of your lives together, after all—it’s always best to start out on the same, open-and-honest page.

3. Know you’re not alone.

Above all—take a step back and know you’re not alone. Proposing is stressful and you certainly aren’t the only one who thinks that. It’s a major life decision, so allow yourself some time to think it through, plan it out, and take all of the necessary steps to ensure you’re ready when the big moment comes. Lean on resources to help ease the pressure. From having family members help you keep the moment a surprise to asking your partner’s best friend for ring advice, the people who know your partner best are great resources for alleviating some of that pressure around proposing. We also recommend turning to online resources (like, ahem, How They Asked) for additional proposal tips and tools. Our favorite resources right now? The Best 2019 Proposal Ideas, 5 Steps to Plan Your Holiday Proposal Speech, and our fan-favorite proposal idea generator.

Now that the stress has been relieved (ahhhhh), you might need some help nailing down the magic moment. Lucky for you, that’s what we’re here for—learn how to plan the perfect proposal here.