How We Met
My fiancé and I met casually many times, starting in high school. We didn’t go to the same school and we actually lived on opposite sides of town. But we both played sports. We would frequently run into each other at matches and had many mutual friends. This led to us being introduced to each other quite a few times. Little did she know, I had quite the crush on her just from meeting her at sixteen years old. It wasn’t until long after high school that we spoke to each other more than just in passing. We were twenty-two. She had a little boy of her own already. We were at her family’s weekly volleyball open gym when she noticed a guy opposite court from her that she wasn’t too familiar with.
What she didn’t know, was that “guy” was the man of her dreams. A man who drove 45 minutes across town once a week just to be in the same place as her for a few hours. A man who wasn’t the biggest volleyball fan, but that was practicing relentlessly, hoping to just maybe impress her. A man that knew how much her son meant to her and that knew he would have to win him over just as much as her. A man that had always thought the world of her, and was hoping to start speaking to her now that we were both home from college.
I did not know how much I had my work cut out for me. I had remembered her and every time that I had met her. Back in high school, I had even made sure to watch her play volleyball. Even avoiding basketball practice when I had to. I knew that just before we turned 21, she had given birth to the most beautiful boy. I had held on to a sliver of a hope that she possibly remembered and felt the same way that I did about her. So I was slightly crushed when she asked me, “hey, what school did you go to?” and “how old are you?”. To look at it positively, the obstacle of casual conversations being started had been overcome! I started to do dumb things like message her to ask if there was volleyball next week (she actually gave me her number). And I would leave stuff at the gym so that she would call me. So sly.
We became friends and talked quite often. Still innocent and platonic. I like to think that her little boy and I becoming best friends is what caught her attention. When she realized that she liked me as more than a friend, she tried to look for signs that I liked her as well. She knows now, that I had tried so hard to be polite and respectful towards her. I admired her as a single mother. She was a superhero. I really didn’t want to come off as “all the other guys that hit on her.” We both thought that we were obvious, while the other would definitely disagree. She even asked me who I liked. I decided to “be cute” and I described “this one girl” to her. I described HER so perfectly and so obviously. I even said that I knew the girl very well. Completely missing my attempt at coy/cute, she thought I had been describing her friend. She even tried to set us up. When she did that, I took it as she had recognized my attempt and that she was turning me down. I gave her friend a chance, but Bec and I kept talking as friends.
The more that we kept talking, the more we fell for each other. I still had no idea how she felt about me and though it was killing me, I kept playing the slow game. But I had to turn it up a notch. Even if ever so slightly. While talking, we discussed how Valentines Day wasn’t any fun and that neither of us had plans on that lame holiday. In a rare bold mood, I asked her to be my valentine. She said yes, but she was wary. She didn’t know how serious I was. Her response even had me wary. I didn’t know if she was just being nice. We are so alike in that we second guess these things that made us so amazingly happy. On Valentines Day, Bec dropped off at my house a sweet homemade card and a box of girl scout cookies. It was the best Valentines Day ever. I was starting to feel like she was doing more than “just being nice.”
About a week later, I made sure to run into her and her son at a volleyball tournament. I was probably so annoying, I followed her around like a little puppy all day. Her little guy kept laughing at me and I loved it. I even offered to carry her backpack around for her. At one point, when she wasn’t paying that much attention, I planted a surprise in her backpack. I had made her a cd, as corny as that is. I had spent so long adding songs to a playlist for her, hoping that I could one day give her a cd. I also wrote her a little love letter, somewhat explaining how I really felt about her. With the letter, I had made a list of about 100 reasons as to why she was amazing. Why I loved her. I was nervous all day. I never put myself out there like that. Shortly after I had gotten home, Bec called me. She had found things in her backpack and she loved them. She had cried and told me that nobody has ever done anything like that for her. This is how oblivious I was to anything. I still thought she was keeping me in a “friend zone.” I never really got an answer as to how she felt about me, but that was fine. I did this to show her that I cared, not so that she would care about me.
The next weekend, she was out of town. Meaning that I wouldn’t be seeing her and that I may not be talking to her as much as I, of course, wanted to. Early in the weekend, I received a message from her saying that she wanted to give it a shot. Meaning us. An actual relationship. I felt like I had won the lottery or the super bowl or something and now I just couldn’t wait to see her again. Later though, I got another message saying that maybe that wasn’t the best idea and that maybe us trying to be together just may be too much. Of course, I was bummed, but I understood. She could and should do much better than me. Ever since high school, I had seen her as so far out of my league. I had never expected her to want anything with me and honestly, I was willing to be anything she wanted me to. I figured maybe she had been tired when she sent that first message or something. But before she was to head home, I got the best message I had ever received. “Ya know what, f**k it. Let’s do this.” We both knew we made each other happy, and we decided then and there to let ourselves be happy. Although she gave me a roller coaster of an emotional weekend, I believed I may have permanently damaged my face from how hard I smiled on that day.
How They Asked
Becca is, shall we say, good at controlling situations. Seriously, I can’t think of anything that she has planned out that hasn’t gone well. Though we hadn’t planned it out, we had added a little girl to our family. The four of us couldn’t be happier. After being together for nearly six years, we had discussed getting married quite a few times. Like a lot of other things in our relationship, Bec has told me how she wanted to be proposed to. She wanted to be prepared. She wanted to be looking nice. I wasn’t allowed to ask at a corny place or on a corny date such as a holiday. To be honest, I carried the ring around a lot and would pull it out at certain times but just couldn’t go through with it. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t want to mess it up and do it any other way than how she wanted me to. When we had gone to Disneyland recently with our kids, I brought the ring. Bec was kind of expecting me to propose there because she had actually brought up before how she would love that. Her mother even asked if that is where I was going to. While at Disneyland though, we discussed how it wasn’t the right time or place. It was a trip for our sons birthday and it was also our daughter’s first time at Disneyland. I confessed that I had wanted to propose there, but we both felt it wouldn’t be right to take away from his birthday, and their vacation. And as much as I had agreed with that, I felt kind of weird that I was letting her have so much control, insight and say in this event. I wanted her to be more surprised and I figured she could be in charge of saying “yes” or “no”, but that I was going to be in charge of asking. Now I just had to come up with a plan. And I had about a million of them.
It was Christmas Eve day. We would be spending the next few days and nights with members of both of our families and most likely be dressed nice and in some romantic, happy settings. She still had her rule of not wanting to be proposed to on holidays though so that left me kind of stuck still. As the kids were preoccupied with grandparents, we were left some time to get some things done. She went to run a few errands and left me home to bake all the cookies. It was some rare alone time for me. I got to listen to music really loudly and got to think. A lot. By the time she got home, she looked tired and overwhelmed. I imagine we both did. In sweats, running around crazily trying to get things done for the holidays. Last second shopping, the works. It was a chaotic mess.
But I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t know if it was my thinking and listening to my loud music while mindlessly baking. But I was overcome with emotion. I went to her to hug and kiss her, ask her how her errands were. I told her I loved her like I do a billion times a day. And as she automatically responded that she loved me too, I interrupted her. I told her no, I was in love with her. That I could no longer stand not knowing whether or not we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. That I wanted to marry her. That I was tired of waiting and tired of making her and the kids wait. She simply said ok. I tried to get across to her that this was important to me. That this wasn’t some simple anxiety attack or whatever it seemed like.
As I was about to simply ask her if she was also wanting to marry me, she started to smile and she softly said: “do this right.” I felt like such an idiot. I got the ring out I dropped to my knee. I felt like I was outside my own body, watching myself do this. At the same time, I couldn’t even blink. My eyes were locked on hers. It didn’t even cross my mind at the moment that I was basically breaking all of her rules. Hopefully, it didn’t cross her mind either. I said her full name, and I asked if she would marry me. I was so nervous, I thought I was going to pass out. Her eyes started to tear up and she said: “yes, of course.” I didn’t have time to get to my feet before she was pulling me up trying to kiss me. We hugged each other tighter than we ever had before. We could somehow feel each other smiling. As she went to tell her family, I turned the music back up and tried not to cry. The love of my life, my high school crush, my best friend in the whole world, had actually said “yes.”